As I listened to her talk I could really relate to what she was saying. I’ve had the thought, “married life looks so fun,” but instead of recognizing the thought and then letting it pass by, I would jump on the train. Next thing I’d know, I’d have a husband, four kids, and a dog. What? I’m single and only twenty-two… how did I get there? I took the train. When this continually happens I begin to be discontent with where He has placed me. Or thoughts will come, speeding from the past and I jump on and taking it down memory lane. One moment something reminds me of a mistake I’ve made, and the next moment I’m in “Pity Town” having convinced myself that I never will be forgiven or be useful to God in any way.  Throughout the Bible it exclaims that this is not accurate, but when I take the train down this track it’s really hard for me to find my way back to truth.

I am a pretty visual person, and the image of thoughts being like a powerful train has really helped me in a lot of areas in my life. Being able to focus on what God has given me, love and forgiveness, and where he has placed me, has given me freedom to enjoy life like I never have before. When I choose to let the thoughts that God does not desire for me pass, the relief I feel is as strong as a gust of wind from a passing train.

Growing up in a Christian home I have often heard the phrase “Take every thought captive” referencing the verse 2 Corinthians 10:5. The end of the verse says to take it captive so that we can make it obedient to the Lord. However, when I hear, “take it captive” I imagine holding my thoughts in my hands so tightly my knuckles turn white. Honestly, that is the last thing I want to do with some of the thoughts in my head.

Since I have been at FLI I have been working on two reoccurring thoughts that are impacting my life. The first is to be content where God has placed me at this time in my life as a single almost graduate of college. The second is to let my past stay where it is and learn what it means to fully embrace God’s love and forgiveness.

At my Bible study the other week we had a guest speaker that introduced a new concept to me. It is a thought that I have continued to mull over and process. She explained how our thoughts are like a train. We see them coming down the track and we can choose to either get on the train or let it pass us by. If you choose to get on the train you are choosing to see where it takes you. If you let it pass, you can recognize the thought but not dwell on it. “Even if we do get on the train, realize you can jump off,” she reminded.

Exodus 34:6-7:

Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.”

This is the proclamation of God when he passed by Moses on Mount Sinai.

The first part of this statement speaks of God’s grace and forgiveness, and the second part speaks of God’s justice.

Here’s my question: Do we accept this statement in its entirety? I’m not trying to accuse anyone of rejecting parts of God. What I’m asking is, are we as wholeheartedly appreciative of God’s justice as we are of God’s compassion?

I was convicted of this a couple years ago. Deep inside, I suppose I thought of God as having multiple personalities—the “nice” one that shows grace, and the “mean” one that doles out punishment. Unfortunately, this made it difficult for me not to guard my heart against Him in our relationship.

But God revealed this attitude in me by simply asking one question: “Would you rather I not be Just?”

This question took me aback. I’d never thought of this before.

What would happen in the world if God were not just? I realized then that it’s God’s justice that keeps evil at bay and punishes it when it gets out of line. It’s His justice that will satisfy the blood of the martyrs. It’s by God’s justice that we know right from wrong.

And, it’s by God’s justice that we understand His grace.

Humbled by His perfect holiness, I now celebrate God’s justice as much as His grace.

I grew up Christian (I still am Christian) but the I way I am starting to view Christianity is changing (Thank, God).

I’m not quite sure why my view of what it meant to be a Christian got so skewed.  I literally sometimes felt like it was always about being perfect and when you screwed up you should beat yourself up about it, cuz after all when you are a Christian you’re perfect… right?

WRONG. Ya, ya we know this, but do we really think this?  Some (not all) of the Christians I know wear masks and act like they have their entire life put together. I’ve definitely been guilty of this.

What would it look like in our Christian communities if we opened up about our sins and struggles?  I mean, we all have them, so we should probably stop acting like we don’t.

I recently made a mistake (gasp) and felt like I was going to have to start all over.  What? Where does it say that in the Bible?

Christianity isn’t about climbing the ladder of success.  If that’s what it’s about then count me out ‘cuz I’m gonna lose every time.

Being a Christian is about running the race.  If you fall, you can get back up.  You aren’t disqualified.  Sometimes it might take a little longer to get back up depending on how hard you fell, but nevertheless you can rise again.

I was talking to a friend about this topic the other day and she said that Christianity isn’t a game of Chutes and Ladders.  She’s right.  So take off the mask.  Don’t beat yourself up if you fall.  WE all fall.  Keep on running. He’s cheering us on.

-Whitney

I feel like I am inside a blender. You know, the kind your mom uses for grinding up celery, peppers, and carrots.

My identity, heart, personality, everything . . . . has been smashed through a pulp grinder, leaving me confused and floating abstractly through this semester. My feet may have been on the ground after I walked off the airplane arriving here in Colorado Springs, but they are no longer.

Spinning through classes and emotions, I am finding out more about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, than I thought I could have wished for. The soles of my boots are skyward; the blood is rushing to my head, and end of story? I am truly loving it.

You ask, “Why?” I am loving it because it is hard . . . because it is tough, challenging, and painful. There are times during the lectures when I want to put my head down on my desk and bawl. Sometimes it is for the people entering my life through personal stories, and sometimes, it is for me and the rips pulsing through my own heart.

Through Dr. Del Tackett’s class, God’s blueprint for life was laid out in front of me. My thoughts: “Dear country . . . dear world . . . we are so lost!” I am loving this food processor friendship, for in realizing how utterly messed up we are as the church, as society, and as the world . . . I am seeing more and more clearly . . . how fabulously big is God. And that’s pretty incredible.